humor

Doppelgängers

Humor me for a short rant. We started our weekend early, and I got tipsy last night. It seems Drunk Me did some writing again… well, sort of.

I hate when people call me racist for thinking Dinzel Washington and Samuel L. Jackson are doppelgängers. That’s bullshit! I think tons of white people look alike too! Plus doppelgänger is a super fun word, and I think it makes a great title.

Clearly I can tell the difference with this hair, otherwise, how do people not see it?
Natalie Portman and Kiera Knightly, doppelgängers!
Pamela Cruz and Selma Hayek, doppelgängers!
Max Greenfield and Dan Levy, doppelgängers!
Robert De Niro and Jon Voight, doppelgängers!
Michelle Trachtenberg and Amanda Bynes… were doppelgängers, but Bynes aged poorly. It was hard to find an old picture.
Tina Fey and Julia Louis-Dreyfus, doppelgängers!
Adele and Amy Schumer, doppelgängers!
Meryl Streep and Nicole Kidman, doppelgängers!
Richard Harris, Michael Gannon, and Ian McKellen, doppelgängers!
Pamela Anderson, Suzanne Somers, Michelle Pfeiffer, doppelgängers!

I can do this all damn day, people. The list is endless, these were just a few examples. Frankly I’m sick of learning to spell all these names. Most of the time, I guess race wrong anyway. So, suck it! Color don’t mean shit! I think it’s ridiculous people waste so much time obsessing over the color of someone’s skin, that’s ludicrous! If anything, you’re racist for assuming I’m racist just because I happen to be Caucasian.

I live in my own world. If a person is not a regular visitor, they’re invisible. White, black, brown, yellow, purple, blue, or green, it doesn’t matter. I have far too much hate in my life to waste it on something as trivial as color! And people say I’m crazy?! Except orange. If you’re Trump orange, I’m probably going to make fun of you a little. Not wish you harm, that would be insane. Just enough to make sure you think twice before spraying a tan on your body again.

They say we all have a doppelgänger out there somewhere. If so, I offer my sincere condolences to whoever mine is. That being said, I feel like we should join forces. Think of the possibilities! How amazing would it be if she were a social creature? I could send her into the world while I run operations from base camp. There’s no limit! I’m not sure how well I would tolerate prolonged exposure to a social creature… in my space… maybe I should think it through some more. Either way, it’s worth considering.

That’s all, thanks for humoring me. Please have a safe weekend, it’s dangerous out there.